Replace criticism with complaints:
- Criticism is a personal attack of your partner-“You agreed to mow the lawn and you have not. You always let me down. You’re lazy.”
- Complaints target a specific behavior- “You agreed to mow the lawn and it bothers me that it has not been done. Could you get it done before this weekend?”
Resolve contempt with appreciation:
- Contempt surfaces due to resentment, dis respect and hostility towards your partner and may be disguised as humor, facial expressions and sneers.
- Increase awareness of the positive and develop a culture of appreciation.
Avoid the defensive trap and join the same team
- End the “win” and “lose” mentality YOU too are at least 30% responsible for any given problem in your relationship
- Enter into solving problems by being able ask yourself:
- “I understand that my spouse feels ….”
- “What have I done to contribute to this problem?”
Don’t allow things to pile up end stonewalling by addressing issues immediately
- Don’t apply the concept of just walking away from problems in your relationship, it will just cause the problems to become bigger and you and your spouse to become more distant.
- Have “couple’s talks” – Have a distraction free space where you check in with your partner. Your communication should be private, daily, and should discuss more than problems. It is also an opportunity to build culture of gratitude.
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